The Love I Hold
by klcm
Summary: Morgan's in for a shock when he meets the teams new tech.
1. The New Girl

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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'Gomez?' No response, Derek Morgan frowned; he was never one to get a name wrong. He watched the blonde in front of him shuffle more towards the exit, files in her hand, pen in mouth, curls abound. His eyes widened slightly, his breathing hitched, his heart rate raising. 'Baby girl.' He called out and the blonde halted, he had it right.

She turned, and he felt his heart crash into his chest. 'Baby girl?' The woman said slightly angered, maybe even flustered by it. 'You've called me worse Derek Morgan.' At that he knew she was who he knew full well she was. 'What can I do for you?' She asked casually, she was here professionally; her personal things could wait until she was behind closed doors.

'We need a talk obviously.'

'Na uh, I'm at work, and, oh yeah, so are you. So what can I do for you?' She told him sternly and politely. She hadn't changed one bit in 3 years, she was still feisty and her eyes screamed with her tenacious fire that she always had, that he'd always like. He told her what he; and the other two agents needed before she left and went back to her office.

There, from the bullpen, he watched his wife walk away. The wife that he had walked out on 3 years earlier. The wife that he still loved so painfully, the wife that he would run back to if he hadn't let a stupid fear drive him away from her.

Penelope near enough ran to her office when she knew she was out of view of him. Panic was an understatement for her feelings right now. She'd just come face to face with her husband, if that's what she could call him. Her husband of 2 years together, and 3 years apart was at her work, or was she at his work? She couldn't decide but whatever, they were working under the same roof, on the same floor, with the same team. The chances she thought as the anger gathered and she felt the urge to break things, to let out her anger before she left to go home.

The hot angered tears streamed down her cheeks, she couldn't believe this was happening. She'd just been pulled out of making a living, accepting minimal support, and now she had a job that would support her, and with it she found her husband that she thought she'd never see unless it was to finally sign those divorce papers.

Seeing his face taunted her, made all the lust, all the passion, all the want, all the pure, unadulterated love resurface and she yearned for him all over again. Wanted to feel his hugs, feel the tingle as his kisses burned remembrance into her skin. She just wanted her life back to normal with the man she would never give up loving however angry she got with him.

Derek Morgan sat at his desk, with the relevant information and he couldn't help but feel amazed and dazed all at once. His _wife_ was truly an oracle with a computer, the speed at which she'd gotten him, Reid and Hotch the information was phenomenal but then again he'd seen her skills as she did her night classes all those years ago.

Throwing his pen down he got up and went in search of her office. He rushed straight out of the bullpen and into the corridor. He caught a glimpse of her as she was walking back into her lair and he approached. He did the one thing he was itching for and the one thing he knew he'd regret after. He pushed her in and into the nearest wall, pinning her between his body and the wall and kissing her passionately.

Penelope ran her hand up and over his head, deepening what he'd started and then she stiffened. Pushed him off and looked angry.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

'Something I shouldn't be doing.'

'Too right Derek, you walked out on me remember?' She said bitterly, the tears building. 'No reason, no chance, no nothing. You left me high and dry.' She slid out from between him and closed her door. 'You do not get any right to just swan into my office and take control like the last 3 years didn't really happen because they did.'

'Baby girl...'

She winced. 'Don't Derek, there's a lot we need to sort out. Like the divorce papers that have been sitting at your mom's. You were lucky; I almost got time to sign them myself because you were nowhere to be found.'

'Can we not discuss this?' He asked almost desperately.

'No.'

'Please, Pen.'

'I need to leave Derek.' She said and turned her computers off, she then just grabbed her bag and keys and headed for the door. 'Lock up for me.' She said and tossed him a spare key, she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him right now, she needed out.

Derek stood there, momentarily shocked, it was really her; it was all so familiar to him. He approached her desks and found an arrangement of photos. One he just held shaking, it couldn't be, with it still in his hand he ran after her, ran down into the car park garage only to see her old caddy, that he'd helped her pick out with her parents years before, drive off.


	2. 3 Years Too Long

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

**_A/N:_** Wowza! That first chapter went down really well! So glad you like! Love hearing what you think! Let's see if I prove most of you right shall we? =)

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Derek took that photo home that night, he didn't care if it was classed as stealing, he needed it. In that frame was his wife, his beautiful, compassionate wife and with arms wrapped around her neck a little boy, a perfect clash of his skin and hers. She was kissing the boys cheek as he smiled lively, a front tooth missing. He didn't need anyone telling him that that little boy was all his, he saw the similarities and as the little boy stared up at him from the frame Derek felt his world darken and he broke down.

He couldn't believe he had left her, after 3 years he still couldn't believe he'd been so heartless as to leave her without so much as giving her the option. He'd let a fear drive between their love and in the end he had done no one any good.

Penelope knelt by the bath as her son played happily. She smiled as she watched him, he'd always been a constant reminder of his father, a good man, a noble man but her husband wasn't that man anymore. She didn't even know who he was, it'd been 3 years since she'd held his presence, 3 years can make a person heal but she'd never heal from Derek, he was a permanent imprint on her, one that she'd want and need until the day she died.

'Mommy, why you look so sad?'

'I'm not sad honey, just tired.'

'Then maybe you should go to bed.'

'I will when I have you all squeaky clean.' She said and tickled him, the little boy giggled happily and Penelope felt some worries disperse. Satisfied with her sons cleanliness Penelope pulled him out and wrapped in up in a large towel before carrying him into his room. 'I love you so much kiddo.'

'I wuv you too mommy.' He said happily and kissed her, Penelope smiled more as she set to work preparing her son for bed, once she'd tucked him in and read him a story Penelope kissed his forehead and left, leaving the door slightly ajar. She then set to work running a bath for herself, as it ran she picked up her phone and rang an all too familiar number.

'Hello?'

'Hey Fran, it's me.'

'Penelope!' Fran's voice floated down the line. 'How's it going?'

'Why didn't you tell me I'd be working with your son?'

'I didn't know you would be directly, I just thought you'd be in the same state.'

'Fran...' Penelope said exasperated.

'No Penelope! I've kept out of it for long enough, both of you telling me not to get involved, well I'm done, maybe you two working together will get you marriage back on track.'

'It's been 3 years Fran.'

'Yes and 3 years too long, it's about time you showed him the son he has, that little boy deserves his father as much as you deserve your husband.'

'He left me.' Penelope said painfully. 'I can't ignore that fact.'

'I know you can't but you need to talk to him.' Fran told Penelope truthfully. 'Let him know what he walked out on, let him know everything that happened. How low things were for a while and let him tell you why he left you.'

'You're right.' Penelope replied quietly. 'I hate that I love him so much, even after all these years.'

'Time makes the heart grow fonder.' Fran retorted and smiled, she knew if her son and daughter-in-law were anything like they were all those years back then they'd get back together. 'I want to shred these divorce papers up Penelope.'

Penelope laughed. 'Let's not jump the gun.' Penelope said, a new air to her tones. 'I'll talk to him as soon as I can, promise.'

'You'll regret doing otherwise.' Fran told her positively. 'Give my precious grandbaby a Grammie kiss for me.'

'How about you fly in as soon as and give him one yourself?'

'You've got yourself a deal.'

'Thank you mom.'

'Any day Penelope, I love you.'

'I love you too.' Penelope replied and put the phone down satisfied; she then went and finished running her bath.

Derek remained seated as his fingers traced the faces of his wife and the little boy, his mind blanked out, his focus on those two figures. He had no right to feel neglected, if anything Penelope felt neglected, he'd upped and left her, and now they were together. At work, 5 days, sometimes longer with a case, a week.

He knew one thing to do, he grabbed his phone and called his mom, she was his voice of reason if not his pusher for getting back to Penelope.

'Hello?'

'Hey mom.' Derek's tone came across totally defeated. 'We need to talk.'

'I guessed as much.'

'Why didn't you tell me I had a son?'

Fran sighed; she was caught in the crossfire here. 'Wasn't my place to tell.'

'Wasn't your place? You've known about him for how long now mom?'

'Penelope didn't want you to know, she wanted you to come back on your own accord, not because she was pregnant, or because you had obligations.'

'Mom...'

'No, I'm fed up of this now. Penelope wanted you home because of what you wanted, not because you felt it was right and your duty to do so but because you love her enough to forget whatever you had wrong with you and love her the way she ought to be love.'

'I do love her but I can't do to her what happened to you. You lost dad, I can't let her lose me.'

'She feels she already has Derek.' Fran commented and she heard her son exhaled. 'She loves you so much Derek, she lost everything when you left and then she found out she was 2 months pregnant, and she tried everything to get you back, to find you. Everything failed her and I hadn't heard from you so I couldn't help. Just make this right Derek before you two get any many lost.'

'I suppose you're right but how do I tell my boss?'

'The easiest way possible, you and Penelope both go together and get over that problem together, I'm sure she'd love you to meet your son too. It's all she's ever wanted.'

'What's he called? What did she call him?'

'We call him JD, but it stands for James Derek, he's so completely you baby, he's you through and through.'

'Thanks mom, I know what I need to do now.' Derek responded, he now knew the little boy was his, well and truly his but he felt wrong to assume that he could just claim the boy as his, he hadn't bought him up, Penelope had.

'No problem, Derek just do this right.' Fran near enough begged, she wanted her son and daughter-in-law to be happy again and to bring up her grandbaby properly. 'Just give her space and keep talking to her, the whole truth, not bits and pieces.'

'I will mom.'

'Good, now get some rest, I love you.'

'I love you to mom.' He responded and hung up. He put the photo on his coffee table in front of him and ran his hands over his head. He only now realised how royally he had screwed up.

_**TBC**_

_Let me know what you think! =)_


	3. Begin The Acknowledgement

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

A/N: Double wowza! These reviews are much loved!! =) Glad you're enjoying!

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Derek was stood outside Penelope's office first thing the next day, he watched her approach, her head down rummaging through her bag for her key, finding it she looked up and stared at him, her feet gluing to the floor in an instance, sucking in a deep breath she finished the short distance to the office door.

'What do you want?'

'We need to let our boss know about us.' He told her casually. 'I mean you do still want this job right?'

'It's more I need this job Derek, not want it.' Derek's heart thumped double time, his mind racing. She _needed_ the job, that made him wonder what financial difficulties she was in, what worries she had about from their son. She opened the door and went straight to turning on the computers, dumping her bag down she took a seat and began to massage her temples. She hadn't slept long enough that night to be able to deal with him. She'd near enough sobbed part of the night away, she'd found her best friend, her lover, her husband and the father of their child all in one day and she wasn't quite able to comprehend how it'd fall on her. She looked up and saw a place where the photo should've been, she started to rummage around and Derek set it down. 'Why did you have it?'

'I couldn't help but stare at it and I ran after you last night to talk to you but you had left.' Derek replied shutting the door and then going up to her, grabbing something to sit on she then watched him sit opposite her. 'We seriously need to talk.'

'Do I find out why you left me?' Derek sighed and ran a hand over his head. 'Then why should I let you in when you aren't going to let me in Derek? There's a line here and we aren't going to cross it without the truth.'

'So you're going to deny me my son even more?'

'I never denied you your son Derek.'

'You never told me, or let my mom tell me about him.'

'What so I could have you back because you had to be back not because you wanted to be back with me.' She said and felt her emotions slip. 'You left willingly enough that night Derek, I wasn't going to force you to stick around.' She looked at her hands. 'I want to know one thing though.' She said and looked up. 'Why did you ever stop loving me? What did I do?'

'Pen, baby girl, it had nothing to do with you! It was all me.'

'Why do I feel I let you down then, that I failed you in some way that made you just leave me?' She said near sobbing now, she tried desperately to hide this side of her emotions, she wanted to be strong. 'I racked my brain for months, heck even now, as to why you'd leave and every time all I could come up with was that it was me, me that made you run.'

Derek so desperately wanted to wrap his arms around his wife, to give her the comfort she needed yet he couldn't, it wasn't right to do that to her just yet. 'I want you to know one thing goddess; it has never been anything to do with you.'

'Then why Derek?'

Derek stood up. 'How about we go and talk to Hotch and then go and find a diner and we talk this out?'

'But work Derek? I need to work to get money.'

'We'll strike a deal but we need to have this chat.' Derek responded, he knew that one this talk would occur, and he knew that if anything he would be more than willing to have it. He had just felt that he couldn't just swan into her life and demand to tell her why and demand full on access, he had to work for it. Yet seeing her so broken and yet so strong he knew he had to tell her and get the ball rolling to some sort of normalcy.

'Derek...'

'No Penelope, you can fight me as much as you like after but you need to know why I did what I did.' He said, his voice swimming with desperation and regret. 'I know I've screwed up big time P but I think it's time you deserved the truth and I think it's time I gave you the right to freedom without me.'

Penelope was floored by that, her eyes brimmed with more tears. Was that him telling her, he'd give her the divorce and that he didn't love her? Was that the reason? He just gave up loving her in the end? The thought hurt more, she wanted anything but divorcing him, she wanted the security and protection she felt when he was around, when he was in the same room. Even now after 3 years she still got that sense off him, she felt secured and protected but now she felt it slipping away.

'Okay.' She finally muttered, she was not looking forward to knowing now, she wished she'd never left and gone to Quantico, she wished she'd stuck with life before. She never thought her heart could break any more but it truly was.

She robotically followed him up the corridor, her arms crossed around herself, she wasn't focused on work now, she needed to get out. She felt pathetic as she continued to tail him through the bullpen, and up to Hotch's office. She met this man only a couple of times and she felt a certain warmth from him but telling him that her and Derek were long lost husband and wife was a whole other story.

Derek knocked and turned to her, he smiled reassuringly and she just gawped, just the slightest curve of a smile and she felt the urge to grab him and kiss him. The urges that once upon a time she could just take and do and now she just had to stand and hold back. Again a wave of emotion hit her and her legs went weak, nausea swept over her as she felt her head swim that her ever finding her husband had just happened, like fate had pulled them back together.

Hotch called them, Derek opened the door and Penelope walked past him as he held the door open. Closing it, Derek approached the desk; he was beyond nervous right now. 'Penelope and I need to discuss something with you.'

'Both of you?'

'Yes.'

'Is this right Garcia?'

'Yes sir.' Penelope confirmed and Hotch offered them a seat which she took willingly, tensing up, her shoulders hunched as she tried to sit comfortably, she gave up, she wasn't going to get comfortable with the tension so high it could be cut with a knife.

'Is there a problem with the new job Garcia?' Hotch asked and saw Derek near enough flinch at the name. For Derek to hear her maiden name was torture, but torture that she had made nonetheless.

'Erm yes...' She looked at Derek. 'No.' She didn't know what to say. 'I don't know really.'

'Hotch...' Derek started, taking a large intake of air he looked at Penelope before at Hotch. 'There's a lot to going on right now but me and Penelope are well... married.'

Hotch chuckled at that. 'Married? You've only just met, how can you be married?'

'It's a long story boss, trust me, and well as you can tell Penelope's head isn't in the game today. We need to sort some things out... would it be possible to do that?'

'Garcia... are you okay with taking a day out?'

'I don't know Sir, I need to money and I don't suppose taking days out here and there pay.'

'For today I'll allow paid sick leave but don't make a habit out of it.'

'Erm, no of course not.' Penelope said a little dazed, she was about to go and have the day with her husband, or at least ex-husband, and sort things out.

As she left the office, her mind raced, she needed to introduce father and son, she needed to assess how they'd share custody, the thought of doing so scared her, she needed to arrange solicitors to finalise the divorce.

Everything acuminated in that moment, it was crucifying her and her already dented self esteem, her personality faltered then.

This was it. The moment of truth that she'd wanted for 3 long years and now she had it coming, she wanted to do nothing more than run from it.


	4. Unravelling

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

_**A/N:**_ I feel the love with this story I really do!! =) Thanks for the great reviews and keep erm coming!! =)

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Penelope twisted the mug in her hand again, her eyes focused on the movement of hot drink in it, she was beyond uncomfortable and as her mind rallied around to create walls on top of walls and defences that even the one person who knew her best couldn't get past she was panicking.

Derek went to speak only to find Penelope begin to speak quietly. 'He was born in the January after you left.' She said and slowly looked up. 'He was so small and so fragile and he was all mine, all ours, he was all yours.' She spoke delicately but Derek could feel the emotions in her tones cutting into both him and her. 'He was placed in my arms and all I wanted to do was turn to you and literally let everything I was feeling out but I had no one.'

'My mom?'

'She didn't get the call until it was too late.' Penelope told him and looked into his eyes. 'He was premature but he was healthy and I didn't care for anything else; just that I knew he was okay and from that first time he was placed in my arms I knew I loved him as much as I loved you.'

Derek watched Penelope talk about their son and her eyes glistened with tears and love as the two intertwined and layered her tone. 'He's so perfect, even now, he runs around and chats away and he jokes and...' She paused. 'He's his dad all over.'

Penelope watched as Derek's face grew darker with negative feelings, regret feeling his eyes as he looked down and away from her unmoving gaze. 'He knows all about you because at the end of the day, he has a father, a good man, a man that he'll grow up and know.'

'Why didn't you just not tell him about me?'

'How could I?' She asked him point blank. 'Derek whatever it is, you're a good man, I won't deprive him of a dad, that little boy deserves you.'

'I don't deserve him.' He said, now the quiet one. 'Mom told me last night you called him James.'

'JD.' Penelope said smiling proudly and grabbed her purse, she pulled out photos of the little boy. 'A miniature you, from when we grew up... he is you all over.' She told him, the talk of her son eclipsing her inner battle to settle what was ahead. 'He loves sports, give him a ball and he'll play for hours.' She smiled another close link to her son's father. 'He's had no luxury in life but when he gets something expensive he does nothing but look after it so not to ruin it.'

She watched Derek place his head in his hands, coffee forgotten, she felt guilty for seeing this pain. 'Derek... what was so bad that you had to run?' Derek's head shot up. 'Why didn't you give me the chance to help you out?'

'Because you couldn't.' Penelope's back straightened at that, shock feeling her, she couldn't help him. 'It wasn't about you, it was that I let a fear of mine get too much that it consumed me and in the end I did the ultimate wrong thing and I destroyed the best thing my life ever had.'

Penelope captured his hands in hers, and Derek's hand twitched at the touch. 'I need you to meet him Derek, but I need you to tell me what was so bad that you felt you had to leave me, had to leave your home that we'd built up.'

'My dad, that's my problem.' He said mournfully.

'You dad? Derek he died a long time ago.'

'I know he did.' He slipped a hand out and ran it over the back of his neck nervously. 'I can't discuss this here.'

'Fine, we'll go to mine, but we are getting this out and in the open. 3 years is too long for us to be continually trapped by it.' She pulled her purse out and placed a note down, she then stood and looked at Derek just staring at her. 'Come on Derek... I haven't changed that much in the last 3 years. Just don't see this as a reason to take advantage, we work together now, I don't want to walk into work every day tense.'

Finally acknowledging her point he slid out of the booth and followed her out, walking towards his SUV they climbed in and he then realised he had no idea where he was going. Soon Penelope guided him to an apartment block and he parked up.

As soon as he walked into the apartment he saw memoirs and tokens from his past life. Photo's he had forgotten about, souvenirs from holidays they'd taken, gifts they were given all scattered around this small area of a home.

'Well come on then.' Penelope asked as she grabbed them a drink and motioned for him to sit down.

'Where's...' He stuttered then, was he entitled to call his son JD or just James?

'JD, Derek, JD.'

'Where's JD?'

'He's at day care, I pick him up 3.'

'Oh right.'

Penelope sat back her legs hooked under her, Derek saw her as pushing herself into the corner of the couch they were on, Penelope saw it as protecting herself from what she might do. 'Come on Derek... why is your dad's death the reason we're ending our marriage?'

That knocked Derek this time; she wanted to end their marriage? He was hoping to avoid that, rebuild a life with Penelope, or slowly gain some acceptable. With that said, Derek couldn't sit and talk, he needed to pace, run the thoughts out of his mind as he walked.

'I saw him die.'

'I know Derek.' Penelope responded near enough on high rated confusion, she guessed from his face that he needed to just talk so she sat back and listened; grabbing a cushion she wrapped her arms around it.

'I watched my mum bring up me and my sisters without him, I remember seeing him dying in that store and thinking that I hope to God I never do that to the woman I love. I'd never leave her with children to bring up on her own. I grew up without a father, I knew what it felt like and as I grew up I forgot about that side of it, I fell in love with you as the years went past and I married you because you are, always will be, the love of my life. Then one day at work, remember when I just dodged that bullet?' Penelope remembered that moment too well, she'd nearly lost her husband that day. 'That was the beginning of those thoughts, I had a woman I loved more than anything, a woman I'd always die for and then it hit me and I got scared.' Penelope watched him pace even more as the torrent of truth came out. 'I thought that if I got hurt, I'd leave you and you'd forever hold on to me like my mom does my dad and I didn't want that for you, I wanted you to have a chance but I never gave you that and the more I ran the harder it got to come back. To revive our marriage, to salvage our love.

The further I drifted, the more I struggled with what I had done, what I had left you with. I'm not the hero you claim me to be Penelope, I'm not the man you've brought our son up to believe in, I'm a coward.'

Penelope hadn't realised the tears her eyes were shredding as she listened. She had been heartbroken and left to think it was down to her and it wasn't, it was nothing to do with her apart from the love she gave him. 'Why didn't you just trust me enough to tell me?' She asked him emotionally. 'Why couldn't you talk to me, to get it off your chest Derek? What changed?'

Derek was crying now. 'My life changed the moment I almost took a bullet, I'd gotten over Buford and I'd survived that day in the store but I hadn't gotten over them at all. It was all waiting to fall down on me and in the end it did and the problem is I couldn't ask for help from the one person that had always given me the help I needed.'

Penelope stood up and walked out of the room as he said that. 'Penelope, please...' He said as he followed her. 'I know I don't deserve you, I never thought I did, but I love you, I've always loved you but I understand if this is it.'

Penelope came out of the bathroom, tissues in hand. 'You're right, this is it.'


	5. What You Left Me With

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

A/N: Have faith! Thanks for all the reviews you guys!! Make me a happy klcm!! =)

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Penelope found herself at home alone shortly after that. Derek had just left, he looked heartbroken, she picked up the photo of their wedding up and threw it down. She couldn't just let him back in, she'd only get heartbroken and be left with heartbroken child if he upped and left again.

She looked at the shards of glass that had shattered across the flooring, that was just how her life was, a pile of shattered glass where she'd been broken and trodden on. Composing herself somewhat, she grabbed her phone, Derek had programmed his number in, telling her to call him as soon as she was ready to continue this conversation.

She was ready now.

'Hello.' Derek answered warily.

'Come back.'

'I'm only outside, I'll be right up.' He told her and she couldn't help but smile. Derek still knew her better than anyone else, he'd been waiting for her to cool down and then she'd invite him back. She opened her door slightly and grabbed a dust pan and brush to clean up and that's how Derek found the place when he walked it.

Penelope was on the floor, crying, looking down at the photo of the pair of them on their wedding day, glass scattered sporadically. He got down with her, she just needed to talk or listen or sit in silence.

'It's been 3 years and still look at photo's of you and know I still love you but how I can trust you when I feel you couldn't trust me?' She asked him as she started to shift the bigger pieces of glass into a pile. 'Do you want to know what happened to me when you left?' Derek sat and watched her before nodding; he needed this torture before he could start to win the battle. 'I lost the house; I lost everything that was worth anything because I couldn't afford to keep it going.' She wiped her face of tears. 'I didn't accept help, your mom offered to let me stay with her but I didn't want to be a burden so I had to live with what I could.' She looked at him. 'I didn't have a lot of cash so I had to go look in downtown Chicago, it wasn't great living and it wasn't particularly safe but it was a place to live and then JD was born and I had to stay there, with a baby it was the only place I could just about afford.'

'So what got you to Quantico?' He watched her look down. 'Pen?'

'Remember how I used to just be able to use a computer?'

'Yeah, my little techno Goddess.'

She laughed slightly. 'Well I bettered in that area, those night classes were good but I began to just adapt what I was learning there and I... I became a hacker to get money.'

'Penelope! Please tell me you didn't.'

'Nowhere was employing pregnant women so I had to do what I could, I'm not proud but it made me money until I was caught and the FBI arrested me. Your mom had JD for a bit while I was under investigation.'

'So how come you didn't go to jail?'

'I was a better use to them while working for them than in jail where my skills were wasted.' She told him ashamed. 'Now I earn enough to give JD what he needs and now I can give him more.'

'What are we going to do?' He asked her as he slumped next to her.

'I'll get your mom to post the papers here as soon as, there's a start. Clean slate and all.' Derek looked at her as she spoke, hearing her voice quiver.

'Is that what you want?'

'I don't know, I mean, look at us, 3 years Derek I mean... I...' Derek ended her sentence by locking lips with her and Penelope did nothing but respond, she wasn't going to stop this kiss this time, she wanted it to last forever. She poured every single drop of emotion her body and mind had built up for 3 years, all the love, all the loss, all that anger in one action and Derek responded with apologises and regret and self blame.

'I'm so sorry.' Derek said as he put his forehead to hers after the kiss, Penelope's eyes were streaming, she didn't want to start whatever reconciliation like that but it'd happened and she'd never thought it'd feel as right as it did.


	6. The sight Of The Beginning?

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

_**A/N:**_ Gotta be the most loved story of mine by far!! Thanks Guys!! I feel the love!! =)

For being so nice! Have some more!!

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Penelope sat on her bed nearly 12 days later. The same words rang in her ears, _maybe we should gain our grounding before throwing JD into this world_, she had told him, it was a knee jerk reaction and Derek had agreed, he wanted only the best for them all, as minimal collateral damage as possible. Luckily a case had dragged them off and he was grateful, it took away the yearn to meet the little boy that was his from him. He and Penelope spoke nightly on the phone and he found her laughing more.

He had had her back in his life for 12 measly days and yet he was the happiest he had been in 3 years, he'd seen the errors of his ways and although apologise were spoken he knew the road ahead was long and treacherous but he would take everything Penelope flung at him with pride, dignity and love every moment of it.

Penelope jumped out of her reverie as her cell rang off; she saw Derek's number on it and frowned. 'Shouldn't you be sleeping?'

'I should be.' Derek's voice came down the line; she heard every essence of stress, worry, exhaustion and pain in his voice. 'Shouldn't you be too?'

'JD's not feeling great, but what's up?'

'We'll get another tech P, don't worry about it.' Derek said trying to hide his concern the best he could but it was a losing battle.

'No what is it?'

'We need about 3 searches done for us, we think we know who it is, we just need background and then we can be home before the clock hits 2am hopefully.'

'I'll be in the office in 20, email or text me what you want and I can do it.' She heard Derek take in a breath. 'JD can sleep on the couch.'

'Baby...'

'Derek, call me in 30, and I'm sure I can give you half that information.'

'I'm telling Hotch.'

'Grass.' She teased and he laughed at her, Penelope was amazed at how easy it was to just joke with him again, something she'd lost the ability to do to some degree.

'Still telling, I'll call you in a bit P.'

'Okay Derek.' She told him and closed her phone before grabbing her bag and making sure she had everything, she then entered her son's room and saw him sleeping peacefully, she knelt down and placed a hand on his face. 'JD... baby.'

'Mommy?'

'You stay sleepy for me but we're going to my work for a little bit, I'll get you settled but I've got to help some superheroes save a piece of the world.'

'Real superhewoes?'

'Yeah.' She said with a smile. 'Real superheroes.' She grabbed a blanket and wrapped him up before gathering him in her arms and carrying him out to the car after she'd locked everything up. 'That okay sweetie?'

'Yeah.' JD said sleepily from his car seat, Penelope closed the door, and got into the SUV, a car she didn't particularly like but one that she needed to have when she had JD with her. Slowly she pulled out of the parking spot and headed to work, parking up she prepped herself for this.

Picking JD up and having her office keys out of her bag ready she made the walk in, the minimal security guards and agents in looked at her and smiled as she kept her son close and cradled him tentatively.

'Garcia, would you like a hand there?' Agent Anderson asked as Penelope headed for the elevator, he looked at the little boy and then at Penelope. 'I mean, you've got your hands full, I don't mind opening the door for you.'

'Thank you Agent Anderson.'

'Call me Anderson Garcia, it's no problem.' He said and took her keys of her, they got into the elevator and he pushed the floor button. 'So who's this little fella?'

'My son JD, the team need me in so he's had to come with me.' Penelope said with a smile as she massaged his back motherly.

'Is it wise?'

'He's not feeling great but I'd rather get the team back tonight so they can have a break and I can bring him in and look after him at the same time.'

'Could his father not look after him?' Penelope shook her head and Anderson nodded in acknowledgement. Letting Penelope out of the elevator first Anderson soon rushed past to get the door open for Penelope. 'I'll find a couple of pillows and some more blankets.'

'Thank you Anderson.' Penelope said and the agent disappeared, Penelope then laid her son down, booted up the computers and went back to him, running a hand over his cool skin she felt relief to not feel him burning up.

'Penelope... I could only find these... I hope they're okay.' Anderson said as he stood in the doorway, Penelope smiled and took the thick blanket and pillows. 'It's just some agents and techs are stuck here some nights that we have a good supply of this stuff.'

'Thank you, I mean I really appreciate it.'

'Well you're an asset to have on board, look after our own and the like.'

'So there's no hierarchy here then? Techs below agents.'

'No way, only some are treated like and they're the ones that belittle their selves but you get that work done and get you and that little one back home.' He then left and Penelope wrapped her son up more before getting the requests and getting to work.

When no call came, she just picked her phone up. 'Morgan.'

'Check your phone, head Hotch up too.' Penelope somewhat tiredly but satisfied. 'I beat you Morgan.'

'That you did Beautiful, that you did.' Derek responded and Penelope sat with a small involuntary smile on her lips. 'Sort yourself out Goddess and go home to bed.'

'Uh huh.' She said back, she wasn't going home until she was sure she had no more work left.

'I mean it, we've got files to write up and Hotch will probably tell us all to have a long weekend, if so, I want to take you out for a meal.'

'Derek...'

'We'll sort something out but go home P.' He told her and the line went dead, she sighed and went over to JD, she sat on the couch next to him and just watched him sleep, sitting back on the end she soon fell asleep.

She awoke to JD being restless in his sleep and she shot up, he'd thrown the covers off and immediately touched his skin as he wriggled in his sleep. Feeling the coolness still she felt saddened, this all had to be the effects of how her mood was constantly changing, how everything in his little world had changed. Sensing him waking up, Penelope looked down and then picked him. The three year old put his arms around Penelope's neck and began to cry.

'What's up honey?' Penelope asked as he sat on her hip and cried.

'I don't feel well.'

'What way don't you feel well?' She watched him shrug. 'Aw baby, is it that everything's too new?' JD put his head in the crook of her neck and nodded as he began to suck his thumb. 'It'll get better and Grammie Fran's coming to visit soon.' She kept talking to him as she watched and soon he went heavy as he fell asleep.

'Her light's still on in the office.' A voice from the corridor said, Penelope didn't stop pacing as she knew Derek got closer. 'Maybe she just dosed off.' He continued and more light flooded the room as the door opened wider, she continued to pace, it was saving her from having a heart attack right at that moment. Derek walked in and turned he froze at the sight. 'Pen...'

'You got home okay then?' She asked almost as a whisper, a smile on her lips. 'Everyone else back okay?'

'Yes we are Garcia.' Hotch said and entered the room, he looked at her and smiled. 'I didn't know you had company.'

'Sorry Sir, this won't happen again. I had no one else to give him to and he wasn't feeling great but, yes, it's a one off.'

'No need to apologise Penelope.' Hotch said with a soft smirk. 'Who is he then?'

'JD...'

'Mine and Penelope's 3 year old.'

'You need a slap round the head I swear.' Hotch said and smiled at Penelope before leaving the room. Derek watched how Penelope handled the little boy, she really was a great mom, not that he had to doubt it, it was a given.

'Not the meeting we had in mind eh?' Penelope asked him as she rocked the boy, cradled his tiny body, protected him in her arms.

'Not at all baby girl.' He replied, still shocked that the little boy in front of him was his, that he'd helped create him but hadn't helped bringing him up, had walked out on the chance to see him grow. 'Come on let's get you two home now.' Derek said as he approached them. 'You both need some sleep.'

'Want to take him while I get my things?' She replied, she wasn't going to argue with the help.

'Pen...'

'He isn't going to bite Derek, and once he's asleep, he's out like a light, it'll take Armageddon to wake him up for at least 5 hours.'

Derek laughed and hesitantly took the little boy from Penelope's arms, after minimal arousal the little boy slumped and went back to sleep. Penelope collected her things together and then turned to Derek, ready to take JD back but thought better.

'You okay to follow me?'

'Yeah I am.' Derek responded contently as he acted so natural with the boy in his arms.

Penelope nodded and walked out of the room, Derek followed, reports and paperwork forgotten, he was getting his family home. Penelope felt so natural, and as she looked at JD finally in his father's arms she couldn't help but feel her heart tear apart slightly.

The sight in front of her was truly the beginning.


	7. Always Known To Just Love You

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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Penelope watched as JD played around in the back garden of her apartment complex with his dad, she smiled at the thought. JD had his dad in his life at long last, had the one person he had yearned for, for years. Penelope had the man back that she loved whole-heartedly and she could clearly and assertively sit there and tell the world that the man that was with her every day, through work or otherwise was the man she had grown up to love.

Leaving the two boys behind she headed up to her apartment to get drinks and food, entering the small kitchen she looked at the post on the counter top, placing a hand on the divorce papers she knew the moment Derek had taken their son in his arms that she didn't want any more upset and heart break.

She understood and even respected Derek's reason for leaving, and he respected her choice of whatever the future held but she knew she didn't want more upheaval, she wanted her husband back, she wanted the family that they had spoke so many times about and even if it took her years, or decades she would try.

She looked out of the window just as she saw another game of throw and catch commence and JD laughed happily. She was happy for taking him to work with her now, the view in front of her made it all okay.

_Penelope sat in the armchair in the living room, legs curled up under her, hands wrapped tightly around a cup of tea, her eyes firmly set on Derek as he sat staring at her._

_Derek just sat relaxed on the couch, a perfect cup of coffee in his hand, a cup of coffee his wife had made and he realised she was still the same, even down to drink making. _

_'Mommy!' Came a voice and Derek watched Penelope just stand and smiled._

_'You be okay here?'_

_'I'm not going anywhere.'_

_'Don't.' She told him and he knew not to move, that in itself told him that he was wanted here, so he didn't move. He just waited, and listened to the gentle exchange, he heard the door open and he flashed his eyes up to look at it as it opened and Penelope came out with their son in her arms. 'What do you want for breakfast honey?'_

_'Food.'_

_'Little joker.' She said and tickled him, JD responded with a fit of giggles and childlike laughter before realising he was being watched, he looked straight at Derek and then at Penelope._

_Derek watched JD put his mouth to Penelope's ear shyly. 'Yeah baby, that's right.' Penelope's eyes moved and looked over at Derek as he studied her firmly. 'Yeah, he's your dad.' She then put him down on the floor and the three year old toddled over to Derek._

_In a moment of sheer terror Derek looked up at Penelope who just nodded slightly with encouragement, Derek then took the little boy in his arms and the two shared a fierce hug. _

_Penelope couldn't help but feel the urge to cry, the sight she had hunted and lost hope in was now right in front of her and she wanted nothing more than to keep it like that forever._

Walking back to counter top and away from that memory, she knew what she was going to do, she knew what she wanted and she knew how she wanted. In that split second, everything fell into place.

She grabbed some glasses for her and Derek and grabbed JD's flask, getting the juice from the cupboard she made drinks as cool as she could and just as she put the lid on JD's cup the door burst open and the 3 year old sprung in, action hero mode.

Penelope laughed. 'The tornado's home.' She said and the boy laughed and ran towards her, she picked him up in her arms and handed him his drink. 'You want this?' Nodding, the little boy took the cup of juice and sipped hastily. 'Here ya go handsome.' She said and picked the glass up and put it up for Derek.

'Thanks P.' He said with a brief smile, the nickname warming him and took the drink.

'Right munchkin, I want you to go get tidied up, I think we can go out for some dinner and ice cream.' Penelope told JD and put him down on his feet, again the pair watched the little one toddle away to his room enthusiastically.

'Great kid.'

'Your kid.' Penelope said with a smile and put her hands on the counter top, the divorce papers directly in front of her. 'We need to talk.' That sentence shot Derek right in the chest, the panic rising, her tone too serious. 'I got these today.' She said and passed the papers across. 'Simple signature and it's over Derek... all over for us.'

'Pen... please.' He said desperately, his heart breaking that everything was now over officially.

'And I've been thinking long and hard about it all.' She said and stood up straight. 'And I've decided that I want to do this.' She told him. Looking him dead in the eyes and she watched him breaking down slowly she then grabbed the papers and ripped them up right in front of him before throwing them and letting the pieces fall to the floor in random positions around her still form.

Derek just stared at the snow storm of paper that fell around her and then looked at her smiling face bewildered, shock was understatement in at that moment, that word didn't measure up to how he was feeling right then and there.

'Pen, baby girl... does this mean...'

'Love me?' She asked him as the paper settled and relief lifted off her chest.

'Forever.' He told her and took her in his arms and near enough spun around as he finally got the type of kiss he'd been longing for in the months since he'd had her back.

It'd taken them nearly 5 months and a lot of up and downs of what Penelope's ultimate choice would be but now after a wait he felt the happiest he ever had. 'You really want this?'

'I've missed you.' Was all she said and kissed him again. 'I've always wanted you back in my life, I'm never going to fall in love with anyone else when I've only ever known to love you handsome.'

In one swift movement Derek took her necklace off, he'd learnt a long time ago it held the wedding rings he'd chosen meticulously and slid it up her finger. 'Perfect.'

'Like they were never missing.' She said and as she felt Derek pull her closer she knew this was the real beginning, not the maybe beginning, or the almost beginning but the true beginning that would kick start where they left off.

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**_A.N:_** So I don't want to spoil this little number BUT I feel there is room for a sequel... so we'll see what the muse can muster up shall we??

Thanks Guys for the reviews!!!

Lemme know what you think as ever! =)


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